Domestic violence is often grouped into two categories; physical abuse and psychological abuse, often times one of these will end up resulting to the other as studies have shown psychological abuse is prevalent among couples experiencing physical aggression.
What is psychological abuse?
Psychological abuse involves the regular and deliberate use of a range of words and nonphysical actions with aim to manipulate, hurt, weaken or frighten a person mentally and emotionally; and/or distort, confuse or influence a person’s thoughts and actions within their everyday lives, causing them to lose their self-confidence and question their abilities.
According to safelives.org, 88% of experts say "psychological abuse can be as/or more harmful than physical abuse, but usually often neglected. Most often, 85% of couples victim of psychological abuse reveal the perpetrator use the children to threaten and control them, while 72% say their tormentors most times attempt to turn their children against them.
Women are often the first victims of psychological abuse. Countries of sub-Saharan Africa have very high level of psychological abuse as majority of women don't have a say in their homes, as all they do is obey their husbands even when they are not pleased.
The hidden pain of a victim
Miriam (not her real name), is married for 3 years now. After 2years in marriage with 3 kids, she realizes she gets tired very often, she has lost a lot of weight, and she seems not to understand what's wrong with her. After consulting in a clinic, she's given 2 weeks of bed rest from her job, yet after that, things don't seem to get better. Taking out some time to evaluate, she realizes that she has been suffering emotionally.
How did it all get to this level? She recounts how her husband humiliates her and tells her she is nothing. His major problem is the fact that she is working and well learned. Miriam says she can't freely discuss with her husband without him belittling her in front of people. She says her husband can endure offense from every other person, but if she does the same thing to him, he will scream and yell at her, not minding if there is anyone around. “He probably sees me as a threat, as an enemy, I don’t really know what to say” she added.
Miriam recounted a scenario where she was at the dining table with her sons, her in laws and her husband. And a discussion was going on and she unconsciously contradicted her husband's point of view with regards to the discussion and he got so embittered, hit the breakable table and it shattered. This left her 3 boys screaming and her in laws in shock.
Her husband bought her a car but Miriam said she realized that the car was not given to her out of love but was rather a “bait” from her husband to manipulate her as he wanted. She therefore made a bold step by giving him back his car. With a smile on her pale face, she said “I will work my money and buy my own car”
What Miriam failed to tell us is that she is currently pregnant. With tears running down her cheeks, she remembered the day her husband resorted to physical violence and pressed her stomach knowing fully well that his wife was pregnant.
At some point, she went seeking for a psychologist who could help her mental health, as it was deteriorating as days went by. The effect of the psychological abuse was also felt by her children who one after the other were admitted in the hospital for one health challenge or the other.
A Psychologist view of psychological abuse
Didier Demassosso is a clinical psychologist and educationist. He currently works in communities around Cameroon in health and mental health promotion. He shared with us the causes and consequences of psychological abuse on the victim and those around them.
The causes of Psychological abuse in couples in Cameroon particularly and Africa in general are usually linked to the women trying to establish a state of economic independence. The “abusers” most often take control of the woman’s resources by preventing her from obtaining and maintaining employment outside the home. They often use hurtful words like “without me you are nothing”, “I picked you from the gutters”, “You are worth nothing”, and “I made you who you are”. These hurtful words are usually accompanied by statements like “you know it’s because I love you and I want us to be happy”, “don’t worry I am financially buoyant enough to take care of all your needs”. Sometimes the abuser uses certain gifts like cars, money to make their victims feel loved and unable to speak out. This kind of abuse can plunge the victim into a cycle of Stress, psychological trauma, depression which might result to suicide.
However Didier Demassosso says this can be dealt with if the victim is able to identify the source of their trauma and the intentions towards their person. When they do so they can then avoid the perpetrator by not giving them attention or simply avoiding any contacts with them. But if the victim is a child this is when it becomes complex because they are still dependent on others who sometimes happen to be the source of their abuse.
Psychological abuse and the law
The constitution in most countries does not make provision for punishment of psychological abuse. Although most of them focus on domestic violence as a whole with emphasis on physical violence. For example, Cameroon does not have specific legislation by which domestic violence can be prosecuted; the criminal law is silent and victims are left to rely on the general law of assault. On the other hand in 2019, the Scottish parliament made a ground breaking decision by voting a new law against psychological abuse. The new law takes into account a wide range of violence threatening, intimidating and other controlling behavior which can destroy a victim's autonomy and further recognizes the adverse impacts domestic abuse can have on children.
It becomes even more difficult in our African context because when the victim reports to family members what she is going through, the families response are often shocking. At times you hear statements like “Go back to your husband at least he is not beating you physically, don’t worry one day he will change just continue to endure” but the victim is slowly dying from within.
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Fiehluna Assungwa
www.moonshinefoundation.de
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